
{"id":2383,"date":"2019-04-19T06:07:53","date_gmt":"2019-04-19T06:07:53","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/what-phd-life-was-like-for-me-as-a-single-mother\/"},"modified":"2025-01-15T06:37:04","modified_gmt":"2025-01-15T06:37:04","slug":"what-phd-life-was-for-me-as-a-single-mother","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/what-phd-life-was-for-me-as-a-single-mother","title":{"rendered":"What PhD life was like for me as a single mother"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">As my country, the United Arab Emirates, celebrates its second-ever <u><a href=\"https:\/\/m.gulfnews.com\/news\/uae\/government\/uae-to-celebrate-emirati-women-s-day-on-august-28-1.2270483\" style=\"color:blue; text-decoration:underline\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Emirati Women\u2019s Day (August 28 2018)<\/a><\/u>, I wanted to share some personal reflections about being a single mother navigating the PhD experience here at Cambridge.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">When I first told my family in the Emirates that I had been accepted to a PhD programme at the&nbsp;University of Cambridge, my father\u2019s bewildered reaction was to proclaim, \u201cWhat for? You\u2019re divorced and you have a son. Your future is&nbsp;over.\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">That kind of reaction is unfortunately not unusual, and my father\u2019s seemingly callous and blunt misogyny was coupled with his unwavering (but also dismissive) support of my pursuit of the PhD. This kind of dissonance is characteristic&nbsp;of a transitioning society that finds itself still grappling with the increasing visibility of the Empowered Emirati Woman. This is especially so when one tries to challenge the more traditionally representational female images \u2013 images that are disrupted by the emerging cases of the divorced, the unveiled and conspicuous woman.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">My PhD journey began with a senior manager at my workplace asking if I was going to \u2018<i>The<\/i>&nbsp;Cambridge\u2019 or \u2018some university in Cambridge.\u2019 There were looks of incredulity and doubt when I had to confirm that I would be going through with my PhD without asking for extra provisions for my dependent son. \u201cWe do not provide any extra allowances for dependents,\u201d I was told by a stern-looking, young female as she handed me the scholarship contract to sign. I later came to learn that she neglected to mention that an extra allowance was indeed offered for dependents, but only when the primary scholarship recipient is not female.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">That first year at Cambridge passed me by in a blur. A dark cloud hovered over me wherever I went (and I mean one different from the kinds you normally find with British weather). I carried the invisible weight of reproachful remarks, often spoken by close female friends. \u201cYou are brave,\u201d I was told many a time, in feigned admiration, \u201cbut I could never leave my child behind.\u201d Those female friends were the educated, working-mothers, who took pride in having excelled in their careers beyond the socially-imposed gender limitations. My social detractors were not just women, but the chorus was joined by a fleet of male relatives, colleagues and friends, all singing to the hymn of \u201cdutiful motherhood.\u201d \u201cIt must be hard,\u201d they said. And yes, it was hard.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">It was very hard to leave my son behind; just as it was the first time I did following a 45-day maternity leave. At the time, no one had labelled me \u2018brave\u2019 for leaving my son to return to work, let alone acknowledged the fragility of an unhealed body and a weary soul. How does one live up to that mythical image of a super-woman who is miraculously able to balance work and motherhood? I have yet to find out as I caffeinate my way through a full-time PhD while caring for an incredibly talkative 5-year old. But this experience has become its own answer for me. I found myself zoning in and out of surroundings. There were many times when I wanted to quit. As I struggled to meet deadlines with a foggy mind, a close friend reprimanded me for trying: \u201cYou have no compulsion to do this PhD, and nothing to prove to anyone,\u201d she said. \u201cInstead, your focus should be to be with your son every day.\u201d It was a damning condemnation; one that reduces the merit of a PhD to the certification, not the research or intellectual contribution that I, more than anybody else, should be able to make. Female, Muslim and a single mother&nbsp;\u2013&nbsp;there are many complex layers of representation to navigate. Can the subaltern speak? Only if fellow subalterns could stop their subversive silencing.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">During the past year I have realised the importance of self-care, and the mental toll that expectations can take over the course of a PhD programme. As I return to Cambridge \u2014 with my son with me for my final doctorate year \u2014 I am steeled with determination to write a compelling piece of original research as I look back at my society with a compassionate female gaze. My drafts may be born long after agonising mental pains, but like my son, they are born fully-formed and beautifully disruptive.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin: 0cm 0cm 10pt; text-align: center;\"><img decoding=\"async\" alt=\"Default Alt text\" class=\"center\" data-file_info=\"%7B%22fid%22:%227850%22,%22view_mode%22:%22default%22,%22fields%22:%7B%22format%22:%22default%22,%22field_file_image_alt_text%5Bund%5D%5B0%5D%5Bvalue%5D%22:%22Default%20Alt%20text%22,%22field_file_image_title_text%5Bund%5D%5B0%5D%5Bvalue%5D%22:%22Default%20Title%20Text%22,%22field_image_tags%5Bund%5D%5Btextfield%5D%22:%22%22,%22field_image_tags%5Bund%5D%5Bvalue_field%5D%22:%22%5C%22%5C%22%5C%22%5C%22%22%7D,%22type%22:%22media%22%7D\" src=\"http:\/\/insights.cactusglobal.com\/sites\/default\/files\/Mira%20and%20her%20son.jpg\" style=\"\" title=\"Default Title Text\" \/><br \/>\n<em>Mira with her son<\/em><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><i>Mira Al Hussein (<u><a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/miraalhussein\" style=\"color:blue; text-decoration:underline\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@miraalhussein<\/a><\/u>)&nbsp;is a fourth year PhD candidate at the&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/mobile.twitter.com\/CamEdFac\" style=\"color:blue; text-decoration:underline\">Faculty of Education<\/a>&nbsp;and&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/mobile.twitter.com\/DarwinCollege\" style=\"color:blue; text-decoration:underline\">Darwin<\/a> College. This story was first published on August 28, 2018, on the&nbsp;<a href=\"http:\/\/fersacambridge.com\/\" style=\"color:blue; text-decoration:underline\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">FERSA Blog<\/a>&nbsp;run by graduate students at the&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/www.educ.cam.ac.uk\/\" style=\"color:blue; text-decoration:underline\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">Faculty of Education&nbsp;in Cambridge<\/a>&nbsp;(available&nbsp;<a href=\"https:\/\/fersacambridge.com\/2018\/08\/28\/my-phd-experience-as-a-single-mother\/\" style=\"color:blue; text-decoration:underline\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">here<\/a>)&nbsp;and has been republished here with permission.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>As my country, the United Arab Emirates, celebrates its second-ever Emirati Women\u2019s Day (August 28 2018), I wanted to share some personal reflections about being a single mother navigating the PhD experience here at Cambridge. When I first told my family in the Emirates that I had been accepted to a PhD programme at the&nbsp;University [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":955,"featured_media":33313,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2414],"tags":[2676,2666,2454],"new_categories":[],"new_tags":[],"series":[],"class_list":["post-2383","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiring-researcher-stories","tag-parenting-in-academia","tag-phd-life","tag-researcher-stories"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>What PhD life was for me as a single mother<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Mira Al Hussein is a fourth year PhD candidate at the\u00a0Faculty of Education\u00a0and\u00a0Darwin College. 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