{"id":2497,"date":"2019-05-03T09:00:09","date_gmt":"2019-05-03T09:00:09","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/does-my-fieldwork-make-me-a-bad-mom\/"},"modified":"2025-04-04T11:22:41","modified_gmt":"2025-04-04T11:22:41","slug":"does-my-fieldwork-make-me-a-bad-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/does-my-fieldwork-make-me-a-bad-mom","title":{"rendered":"Does my fieldwork make me a bad mom?"},"content":{"rendered":"

It can happen at any time, and happens almost every time before I leave for an extended time for field work\/science. We\u2019re sitting,\u00a0walking, just doing something together as a family. And we start talking about what this week is going to be like, which always turns into what my upcoming travel plans are. And, every time, as if on cue, come the guilt-inducing statements that are honestly like hundreds of little tiny knives cutting my mom-heart.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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\nI mean these are the looks I get from our dog before I leave. \u201cDon\u2019t leave me mom,\u201d is exactly what those sad puppy dog eyes are saying.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cIt\u2019s so hard to have a mom who\u2019s a scientist,\u201d our oldest says, sounding exasperated, after a deep sigh and a roll of her eyes.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMommy, why can\u2019t I come with you?\u201d asks our youngest, with her eyes big, bright, and just so sincere. Even the dog seems to participate by pacing around and shooting me forlorn looks while I pack.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve done everything I can think of to reduce the stress of my being gone on my family. Make lasagne so the family has lots of leftovers in my stead? Check. Line up some extra dog-walking since our husky-lab mutt is insatiable when it comes to exercise and I\u2019m the primary exerciser? Check. Purchase the ticket that ensures I\u2019ll be gone for the least amount of time possible, even if it means a heinous travel schedule? Checkity check check. Do any of those preparations ever assuage my guilt? Honestly, not really.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I do a variety of things to make myself feel better about having to leave to science\/field work. First, I try to take my girls in the field with me when and if I can. This works particularly well for my local prairie research, and not particularly well for my New Zealand, remote island field work (hard pass on having the girls jumping off of boats onto islands in swells). Taking the kiddos in the field comes with some advantages and disadvantages. I can\u2019t be as efficient, work as fast, or work as hard when they\u2019re with me. And they are 8 and 4, so they complain about stuff.\u00a0But, they learn a ton, bring levity to field work, and remind my students and me to take time to appreciate the fun, amazing, and weird stuff we see and do in the field. Seeing the world through a kid\u2019s eyes is an experience we should all have to help remind us why we do what we do. If you do take your kids in the field, I recommend bringing fun treats they don\u2019t get otherwise (our girls get fruit snacks and 2nd breakfast after early morning mammal trapping), planning shorter trips, giving them an old phone with which they can take pictures, and expecting to carry the littles as their legs tire.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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\nThe girls learn a ton, and in this photo, big gets to teach little how to smammal in the prairie.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Second, I remind myself that though they view my job as negative sometimes, it\u2019s probably a really good thing that they get to experience being raised by a female field scientist. We are few and far between, and I know how important it is to raise strong women in our patriarchal society.\u00a0I don\u2019t want my daughters to be held back in their ambitions because they are concerned about whether women can do a particular job (spoiler: We can. We always can).<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Third, I try to connect with them as much as I can while I\u2019m gone. This part is especially hard with international field work, but it helps ease the blow of being apart. I also remind myself that it\u2019s likely so much harder on me than it is on them. In fact, my husband makes a point of feeding them junk like Lucky Charms and pizza, and taking them to do fun stuff even I haven\u2019t done (drinks on top of Hancock Tower? Really?! One day maybe I\u2019ll get to go, too). It is of course tough when I\u2019m gone, but my husband does a good job of making it seem fun. Last time I went to New Zealand for three weeks, they all recorded a short video each night to show me what I missed. It was so sweet, but also made me feel even guiltier.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Lastly, I think I\u2019ve just come to accept that feeling guilty is just part of who I am as a mom. Even before both girls were born, I began feeling guilty about how my food choices, exercise, and air quality of my town were impacting them. I\u2019m not sure if it\u2019s unique to me, but it definitely is one of the things that defines me as a parent. I\u2019m constantly worried that my decisions, big and small, will screw them up for life. It\u2019s hard that they also say things that make me feel guiltier because I can assure everyone that I do NOT need the help in feeling guilty. I\u2019m just working toward embracing it.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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\nLittle and I smiling by some prairie smoke while out in the field.<\/strong><\/em>\n<\/p>\n

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Our youngest daughter is especially excited to not need a car seat in the UTV and is ready for the wet morning dew.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Dr. Holly Jones<\/a> (<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i>@DocHPJones<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i><\/a>),<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i><\/span><\/span>\u00a0is an Associate Professor at Northern Illinois University. This story was published on October 9, 2018, on the blog ‘<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i>Field Secrets<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i><\/a>‘ (available <\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i>here<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i><\/a>) and has been republished here with permission.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It can happen at any time, and happens almost every time before I leave for an extended time for field work\/science. We\u2019re sitting,\u00a0walking, just doing something together as a family. And we start talking about what this week is going to be like, which always turns into what my upcoming travel plans are. And, every […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":955,"featured_media":33313,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2414],"tags":[2676,2454],"new_categories":[],"new_tags":[],"series":[],"class_list":["post-2497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiring-researcher-stories","tag-parenting-in-academia","tag-researcher-stories"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDoes my fieldwork make me a bad mom?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"\u201cIt\u2019s so hard to have a mom who\u2019s a scientist,\u201d our oldest says, sounding exasperated, after a deep sigh and a roll of her eyes.\u00a0\u201cMommy, why can\u2019t I come with you?\u201d asks our youngest, with her eyes big, bright, and just so sincere.\u00a0I\u2019ve done everything I can think of to reduce the stress of my being gone on my family.\u00a0Do any of those preparations ever assuage my guilt? 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