
{"id":2661,"date":"2019-05-21T04:12:46","date_gmt":"2019-05-21T04:12:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/the-failure-to-address-mental-health-in-academia-until-its-too-late\/"},"modified":"2025-04-05T12:54:22","modified_gmt":"2025-04-05T12:54:22","slug":"the-failure-to-address-mental-health-in-academia-until-its-too-late","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/the-failure-to-address-mental-health-in-academia-until-its-too-late","title":{"rendered":"The failure to address mental health in academia until it&#8217;s too late"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"margin: 0in 0in 10pt;\"><span style=\"font-size: 11pt;\"><span style=\"line-height: 115%;\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri,sans-serif;\">I was dismissed from my PhD program at the end of my second year. I fell way behind in work and wasn\u2019t making sufficient progress. I wanted nothing more than to be able to write the papers but I physically couldn\u2019t. Every time I mustered up the courage (and energy) to write, I fell apart. Over those two years, my then-husband and I separated and eventually divorced, my dog died, and my anxiety and depression came out to party. It took me about six months to find a combo of meds that made it possible for me to function again. I started to feel better but I couldn\u2019t find the energy to chip away at the backlog of work. I knew I was on academic probation, so I kept in touch with the graduate college about which deadlines I needed to make to stay enrolled. Unfortunately, they\u2019d made a paperwork error \u2014 they should have dismissed me the previous semester. So that meant I was getting immediately dismissed. I received that news just as I was starting to be able to write again. It wrecked me. In an instant, I had no healthcare, no income, and no \u201creal\u201d connection to what I\u2019d spent the previous nine years devoting my life to.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin: 0in 0in 10pt;\"><span style=\"font-size: 11pt;\"><span style=\"line-height: 115%;\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri,sans-serif;\">I took it all as well as I could. Everyone I decided to tell got a three-minute rehearsed speech about \u201cwhy I wouldn\u2019t be around anymore.\u201d Half of the speech was me saying some version of \u201cI did this to myself.\u201d I constantly felt the need to back up into my \u201caccountability corner.\u201d I did that, at least in part, because I was so terrified of being labelled as \u201cjust another woman who couldn\u2019t make it in academia.\u201d I wanted to explain what I did wrong and I wanted to acknowledge that it was all my fault. I wasn\u2019t going to be a victim\u2013 I was going to state the facts. There are so many messed up things about what I just said but academia has a curious way of shaping anxiety.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p>In a lot of ways, I\u2019m glad I reacted the way I did but I have started to wonder how my department would deal with another situation like this. I think I\u2019m an excellent colleague and student (well\u2026 aside from the whole not-doing-my-work thing). I\u2019d bend over backwards to help others. I always volunteered to do things the department needed done. I\u2019d help my colleagues\u2019 students if they came around looking for help. I was the grad student who\u2019d meet the prospectives and tell them how great they\u2019d be in our department. And as far as I can tell, and from what the profs told me, they loved having me around. So, if everyone \u201cloved\u201d me so much, why wasn\u2019t there more of a response to my literal cries for help over those two years? (I thought I was quite loud about how disturbed I was.) I suppose that even in a warm department like mine, the attitude that grad students need to prove that they can survive is alive and well. The question I have now is that if I \u2014 a self-identifying golden child of the department (LOL)\u2013 was out at sea and left to drift away, what\u2019s happening to the quieter students (who are fantastic philosophers and teachers) when their lives are in shambles? I don\u2019t want them to hide in their own accountability corners. Taking full responsibility for bad stuff is often a really good way to dismiss or uphold structures that ought to be challenged and reformed. I don\u2019t think the department failed me; I admit that I wasn\u2019t always sure how they could help me. I\u2019m just wondering if they would intervene earlier if they see a situation like mine playing out in the future.<\/p>\n<p style=\"margin: 0in 0in 10pt;\"><span style=\"font-size: 11pt;\"><span style=\"line-height: 115%;\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri,sans-serif;\">Being out of the department has been rough. I work 40+ hours a week and I\u2019m on Medicaid. My specific health plan only grants psychiatric\/psychology referrals to two people per month. I haven\u2019t been lucky enough to get a referral which means I have been off my meds. That\u2019s been really hard. But I\u2019ve been catching up on the work and I\u2019ll find out soon whether I\u2019ll be allowed to rejoin the department. I want nothing more. I\u2019m a good teacher and I\u2019m a good philosopher! I didn\u2019t decide that I was over philosophy. I just got steamrolled by life.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin: 0in 0in 10pt;\"><span style=\"font-size: 11pt;\"><span style=\"line-height: 115%;\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri,sans-serif;\">Grad school is really tough and sharing the tough times can be really helpful. Hopefully, our solidarity helps us through it.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><i>This story was published on December 6, 2018, on <\/i><a style=\"color: blue; text-decoration: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/phdoinglife.wordpress.com\/\"><i>PhDoing Life<\/i><\/a><i> (available<\/i><a style=\"color: blue; text-decoration: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/phdoinglife.wordpress.com\/2018\/12\/06\/academia-and-the-failure-to-address-mental-health-until-its-too-late\/\"><i> here<\/i><\/a><i>), and has been republished here with permission.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I was dismissed from my PhD program at the end of my second year. I fell way behind in work and wasn\u2019t making sufficient progress. I wanted nothing more than to be able to write the papers but I physically couldn\u2019t. Every time I mustered up the courage (and energy) to write, I fell apart. [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1470,"featured_media":33313,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2414],"tags":[2678,2454],"new_categories":[],"new_tags":[],"series":[],"class_list":["post-2661","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiring-researcher-stories","tag-mental-health-in-academia","tag-researcher-stories"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The failure to address mental health in academia until it&#039;s too late<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I was dismissed from my PhD program at the end of my second year. 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