{"id":2707,"date":"2019-05-22T09:54:43","date_gmt":"2019-05-22T09:54:43","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/what-making-friends-in-grad-school-is-really-like\/"},"modified":"2025-01-15T06:35:13","modified_gmt":"2025-01-15T06:35:13","slug":"what-making-friends-in-grad-school-is-really-like","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/what-making-friends-in-grad-school-is-really-like","title":{"rendered":"What making friends in grad school is really like"},"content":{"rendered":"

What has your experience been so far with making friends? Are they mostly within your cohort, or do you socialize with people from all stages of the program? Do you have friends outside of your lab? Your department? Your program?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

My grad program is pretty social, but my actual cohort is not. I am one of 6 students in my year, and I only really hang out with one person regularly. It\u2019s not that anyone doesn\u2019t like the other (as far as I know), but I found that besides this one girl I hang out with, the other 4 are not \u201cinitiators.\u201d So, if she or I don\u2019t organize an event or text the group, I don\u2019t see the others for months at a time!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

In the beginning, it wasn\u2019t as apparent. We had classes and seminars together\u2026 things that kept us on a regular schedule. When we finished classes, the difference was really obvious to me. Suddenly it was weeks\/months since I\u2019d seen them! At first, I was really adamant about texting the group and initiating beers after work, or getting together for dinner or a movie. But over time, it just felt kind of sad to me that it\u2019s not reciprocated. There\u2019s nothing wrong with these people, but their \u201cfair-weather friend\u201d attitude toward keeping in touch makes me feel frustrated and down, if I think about it too much.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Are they really satisfied with just being friends with the people in their lab?<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Do they really not care about maintaining the friendships we built going through this process together?<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m friends with my lab-mates too, and a few people in other labs, but most of my friends actually aren\u2019t in my program at all, or aren\u2019t even in graduate school. In some ways, that\u2019s nice, because I don\u2019t have to worry about all of them graduating and leaving me behind. In other ways, it\u2019s lonely because there are so many program-specific experiences (like our annual program retreat) that would be more fun if I had them to share it with!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Anyway, this year I\u2019m definitely feeling the loneliness a bit. I think it\u2019s because one of my closest friends (who\u2019s also my lab-mate) is graduating this spring. She\u2019ll be sticking around for a bit as a post-doc after, but it still gets me thinking about what life will be like when she\u2019s moved on. I can\u2019t picture it! She makes lab so fun and welcoming, and it\u2019s nice having someone who knows what I\u2019m going through so well.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But, I\u2019m trying to think of it as a growing experience to prompt me to make some new friends\/connections within my program. Retreat is coming up soon, which is always a fun time. Everyone is super friendly and it\u2019s a blast\u2026 it\u2019s just one of those things that\u2019s like summer camp because everyone\u2019s always saying:<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cOh my gosh, this was so fun! We should make it a point to get together more often!\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But then we all just fall back into our old ways.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe this year I will be a bit more determined in maintaining those connections!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But I\u2019m curious\u2026. what has your experience been? Feel free to comment!<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Queen of the Bench is a PhD candidate in Cell and Molecular Biology. This story was published on October 31, 2018, on the blog <\/i>Queen of the Bench<\/i><\/a> (available <\/i>here<\/i><\/a>) and has been republished here with permission<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

What has your experience been so far with making friends? Are they mostly within your cohort, or do you socialize with people from all stages of the program? Do you have friends outside of your lab? Your department? Your program? My grad program is pretty social, but my actual cohort is not. I am one […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1475,"featured_media":33313,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2414],"tags":[2666,2454],"new_categories":[],"new_tags":[],"series":[],"class_list":["post-2707","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiring-researcher-stories","tag-phd-life","tag-researcher-stories"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nWhat making friends in grad school is really like<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"What has your experience been so far with making friends in grad school? Do you have friends outside of your lab? Your department? Your program? My grad program is pretty social, but my actual cohort is not.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"What making friends in grad school is really like\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"What has your experience been so far with making friends in grad school? Do you have friends outside of your lab? Your department? Your program? My grad program is pretty social, but my actual cohort is not.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Editage Insights\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:publisher\" content=\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Editage\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-05-22T09:54:43+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2025-01-15T06:35:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/What-making-friends-in-grad-school-is-really-like.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"656\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"336\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Queen of the Bench\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:creator\" content=\"@Editage\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:site\" content=\"@Editage\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Queen of the Bench\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"Article\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#article\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/what-making-friends-in-grad-school-is-really-like\"},\"author\":{\"name\":\"Queen of the Bench\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#\/schema\/person\/c1e4695f42515f7bcb9324f44149b61e\"},\"headline\":\"What making friends in grad school is really like\",\"datePublished\":\"2019-05-22T09:54:43+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-01-15T06:35:13+00:00\",\"mainEntityOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/what-making-friends-in-grad-school-is-really-like\"},\"wordCount\":602,\"commentCount\":0,\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#organization\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/editage-insights-generic-banner_298.webp\",\"keywords\":[\"PhD Life\",\"Researcher Stories\"],\"articleSection\":[\"Researchers and Their Stories\"],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"CommentAction\",\"name\":\"Comment\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#respond\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/what-making-friends-in-grad-school-is-really-like\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school\",\"name\":\"What making friends in grad school is really like\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/editage-insights-generic-banner_298.webp\",\"datePublished\":\"2019-05-22T09:54:43+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2025-01-15T06:35:13+00:00\",\"description\":\"What has your experience been so far with making friends in grad school? Do you have friends outside of your lab? Your department? Your program? My grad program is pretty social, but my actual cohort is not.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/editage-insights-generic-banner_298.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/editage-insights-generic-banner_298.webp\",\"width\":656,\"height\":336},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"What making friends in grad school is really like\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/\",\"name\":\"Editage Insights\",\"description\":\"\",\"publisher\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#organization\"},\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Organization\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#organization\",\"name\":\"Editage Insights\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/\",\"logo\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/editage-insights-logo-1-scaled.webp\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/editage-insights-logo-1-scaled.webp\",\"width\":2560,\"height\":324,\"caption\":\"Editage Insights\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/\"},\"sameAs\":[\"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Editage\",\"https:\/\/x.com\/Editage\"]},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#\/schema\/person\/c1e4695f42515f7bcb9324f44149b61e\",\"name\":\"Queen of the Bench\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/687c13cdc97ce8dc92a8a6a49503528f81e43a7e9e090ae01d0542d18ffa547c?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/687c13cdc97ce8dc92a8a6a49503528f81e43a7e9e090ae01d0542d18ffa547c?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Queen of the Bench\"},\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/queen-of-the-bench\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"What making friends in grad school is really like","description":"What has your experience been so far with making friends in grad school? Do you have friends outside of your lab? Your department? Your program? My grad program is pretty social, but my actual cohort is not.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"What making friends in grad school is really like","og_description":"What has your experience been so far with making friends in grad school? Do you have friends outside of your lab? Your department? Your program? My grad program is pretty social, but my actual cohort is not.","og_url":"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school","og_site_name":"Editage Insights","article_publisher":"https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Editage","article_published_time":"2019-05-22T09:54:43+00:00","article_modified_time":"2025-01-15T06:35:13+00:00","og_image":[{"width":656,"height":336,"url":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/What-making-friends-in-grad-school-is-really-like.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Queen of the Bench","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_creator":"@Editage","twitter_site":"@Editage","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Queen of the Bench","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"Article","@id":"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#article","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/what-making-friends-in-grad-school-is-really-like"},"author":{"name":"Queen of the Bench","@id":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#\/schema\/person\/c1e4695f42515f7bcb9324f44149b61e"},"headline":"What making friends in grad school is really like","datePublished":"2019-05-22T09:54:43+00:00","dateModified":"2025-01-15T06:35:13+00:00","mainEntityOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/what-making-friends-in-grad-school-is-really-like"},"wordCount":602,"commentCount":0,"publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#organization"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/editage-insights-generic-banner_298.webp","keywords":["PhD Life","Researcher Stories"],"articleSection":["Researchers and Their Stories"],"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"CommentAction","name":"Comment","target":["https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#respond"]}]},{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/what-making-friends-in-grad-school-is-really-like","url":"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school","name":"What making friends in grad school is really like","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/editage-insights-generic-banner_298.webp","datePublished":"2019-05-22T09:54:43+00:00","dateModified":"2025-01-15T06:35:13+00:00","description":"What has your experience been so far with making friends in grad school? Do you have friends outside of your lab? Your department? Your program? My grad program is pretty social, but my actual cohort is not.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/editage-insights-generic-banner_298.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2025\/02\/editage-insights-generic-banner_298.webp","width":656,"height":336},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/queenofthebench.tumblr.com\/post\/179857071865\/making-friends-in-grad-school#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"What making friends in grad school is really like"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/","name":"Editage Insights","description":"","publisher":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#organization"},"potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Organization","@id":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#organization","name":"Editage Insights","url":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/","logo":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/editage-insights-logo-1-scaled.webp","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-content\/uploads\/2024\/09\/editage-insights-logo-1-scaled.webp","width":2560,"height":324,"caption":"Editage Insights"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#\/schema\/logo\/image\/"},"sameAs":["https:\/\/www.facebook.com\/Editage","https:\/\/x.com\/Editage"]},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#\/schema\/person\/c1e4695f42515f7bcb9324f44149b61e","name":"Queen of the Bench","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/687c13cdc97ce8dc92a8a6a49503528f81e43a7e9e090ae01d0542d18ffa547c?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/687c13cdc97ce8dc92a8a6a49503528f81e43a7e9e090ae01d0542d18ffa547c?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Queen of the Bench"},"url":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/queen-of-the-bench"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2707","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1475"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=2707"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2707\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/33313"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=2707"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=2707"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=2707"},{"taxonomy":"new_categories","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/new_categories?post=2707"},{"taxonomy":"new_tags","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/new_tags?post=2707"},{"taxonomy":"series","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/series?post=2707"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}