{"id":2766,"date":"2019-05-30T08:09:12","date_gmt":"2019-05-30T08:09:12","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/and-i-fight-to-live-another-phd-day\/"},"modified":"2025-04-04T09:37:23","modified_gmt":"2025-04-04T09:37:23","slug":"and-i-fight-to-live-another-phd-day","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/and-i-fight-to-live-another-phd-day","title":{"rendered":"And I fight to live another PhD day"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;\"><span style=\"font-size: 11pt;\"><span style=\"line-height: 115%;\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri,sans-serif;\">I\u2019m freeeee!! I had the viva part of my Early Stage Assessment yesterday and I\u2019m relieved to say that I passed. I say relieved rather than any other adjective because that was the overwhelming feeling I had yesterday. That and wanting to sleep.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;\"><span style=\"font-size: 11pt;\"><span style=\"line-height: 115%;\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri,sans-serif;\">Everyone was telling me that no one fails and it\u2019d be fine, that I\u2019d breeze through it, but somehow that made things worse. It kind of escalated the pressure, because what if I was that bad that I didn\u2019t \u201cbreeze through?\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;\"><span style=\"font-size: 11pt;\"><span style=\"line-height: 115%;\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri,sans-serif;\">It turns out I didn\u2019t, but I\u2019m taking that as a good thing. I found the entire process pretty tough: the report, the preparation and design of the presentation, and the Q&amp;A. It\u2019s all been a large learning curve for me but I\u2019ve grown so much through the process and with the feedback I\u2019ve got that I\u2019m set to grow a lot further.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;\"><span style=\"font-size: 11pt;\"><span style=\"line-height: 115%;\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri,sans-serif;\">There were tears. Not in the room, but when they sent me out so they could deliberate. It was partly relief tears but also the fear that I hadn\u2019t done enough. I didn\u2019t come out feeling like I\u2019d done my best and portrayed as much knowledge as I had. I got flustered and tongue-tied and couldn\u2019t answer some of the simplest engineering questions (which I should and do know!). It was the fear that I would fail because I hadn\u2019t shown that I was good enough rather than not being good enough.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;\"><span style=\"font-size: 11pt;\"><span style=\"line-height: 115%;\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri,sans-serif;\">My assessors were actually really nice; whilst I felt super nervous because I was being assessed, I really felt like they were there to understand how good I was rather than catch me out on things I didn\u2019t know. Both assessors stayed for an extra 20-30 minutes to give me more detailed feedback, which they really didn\u2019t have to do. They were very good at making sure that I knew I passed before starting the feedback and re-iterating that the process is there to help \u201clift me up\u201d rather than bring me down. I guess that sounds potentially like they were babying me, but I tell you I needed the explicit reassurance. I was overwhelmed and my brain was foggy. I\u2019m glad I took a notepad and pen to write down their feedback. I knew before I went in that whatever feedback I got I wouldn\u2019t process because I\u2019d be either so elated and shocked that everything went amazingly well (ha!) or I\u2019d be super foggy from emotion and fear. I\u2019m really glad I did take the notes, because I\u2019m not entirely sure I can remember what was said.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;\"><span style=\"font-size: 11pt;\"><span style=\"line-height: 115%;\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri,sans-serif;\"><b>Top tip: always write down feedback as you get it so you can look back later.<\/b><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;\"><span style=\"font-size: 11pt;\"><span style=\"line-height: 115%;\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri,sans-serif;\">I came out in a bit of disbelief with my mind buzzing, but one of the others in my office said the magic words: \u201cdo you want a cup of tea?\u201d. That was definitely my turning point. I had a cup of tea, chatted a bit, and then got down to my reflection. I wrote up my notes and came up with an action plan. Suddenly, my head was clearer though still full and I was ready to feel the positives of passing my ESA.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin-bottom: 10.0pt; margin: 0in 0in 0.0001pt;\"><span style=\"font-size: 11pt;\"><span style=\"line-height: 115%;\"><span style=\"font-family: Calibri,sans-serif;\">I\u2019m not meant to be the finished article right now, if I was I wouldn\u2019t still be a PhD student. That\u2019s the whole point of the process and I\u2019d rather know now that I\u2019ve got areas to develop than hit my real viva at the end of my PhD and fail\/have many major corrections.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><i>Shruti Turner (<\/i><a style=\"color: blue; text-decoration: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/ShrutiTurner\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><i>@ShrutiTurner<\/i><\/a><i>) is a PhD Researcher at Imperial College London. This story was published on October 5, 2018, on Shruti\u2019s blog, <\/i><a style=\"color: blue; text-decoration: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/shrutisphd.wordpress.com\"><i>Shruti\u2019s PhD<\/i><\/a><i> (available <\/i><a style=\"color: blue; text-decoration: underline;\" href=\"https:\/\/shrutisphd.wordpress.com\/2018\/10\/05\/and-i-live-to-fight-another-phd-day\/\"><i>here<\/i><\/a><i>), and has been republished here with her permission.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I\u2019m freeeee!! I had the viva part of my Early Stage Assessment yesterday and I\u2019m relieved to say that I passed. I say relieved rather than any other adjective because that was the overwhelming feeling I had yesterday. That and wanting to sleep. Everyone was telling me that no one fails and it\u2019d be fine, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1450,"featured_media":33313,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2414],"tags":[2666,2454],"new_categories":[],"new_tags":[],"series":[],"class_list":["post-2766","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiring-researcher-stories","tag-phd-life","tag-researcher-stories"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>And I fight to live another PhD day<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I had the viva part of my Early Stage Assessment yesterday and I\u2019m relieved to say that I passed. 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