{"id":2795,"date":"2019-05-31T07:58:15","date_gmt":"2019-05-31T07:58:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/the-long-term-effects-of-bullying-in-the-workplace\/"},"modified":"2025-04-05T13:03:29","modified_gmt":"2025-04-05T13:03:29","slug":"the-long-term-effects-of-bullying-in-the-workplace","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/the-long-term-effects-of-bullying-in-the-workplace","title":{"rendered":"The long-term effects of bullying in the workplace"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hi Friends,<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

This is quite a hard blog to write\u2026 but I started this blog as a release for any emotions and to help others; and I am sure that I am not alone in what I am going through so here I go\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The last couple of days have been especially trying for me\u2026 I have been suffering from anxiety in the workplace after working for two bosses that enjoyed seeing other people suffer and made everyone\u2019s life, especially those with kids, miserable. The anxiety comes and goes. Mostly, I thought I was well rid of it, but something in work triggered it again and it was back with vengeance.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

In my first proper job, I had a contract for a 4-year project. I thought myself one of the luckiest people as not many people who get their PhD are lucky enough in Ireland to obtain a position\u00a0for this duration and quite a high salary (for academic research). The bossman seemed nice and the first two years were great. My hubby started doing his PhD in the same lab and life was great. We got to travel to different countries for conferences together, we took one car to work and at work had two different projects so had no marital spats (some people didn\u2019t\u00a0even realise that we were married till the end of the 4 years).<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

All of this changed when I got pregnant. It\u00a0was\u00a0a planned pregnancy and we were very excited; however, we didn\u2019t\u00a0understand exactly how precious this life inside of me was and I continued working as hard as I did before, if not harder as we had our 12-month annual EU commission review coming up and I had to present my findings. That week my hubby was away at his annual meeting and I was working long hours and could barely sleep at all at night, all the time worrying about the upcoming meeting\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

When my hubby returned I didn\u2019t feel well (I won\u2019t go into details) and my GP\u00a0sent me to the hospital, where they didn\u2019t really check me, just took some bloods\u00a0(no baby scan) and said that it was normal and sent me home saying that I was ok to return to work next day. Upon returning to work everything seemed fine in the morning, but by afternoon I knew something was horribly wrong\u2026 I got my hubby and took him outside to let him know that I thought I\u00a0was losing our baby. I lost the baby half an hour later, right there in work. I was 14 weeks pregnant. We went to A&E where they confirmed that yes, I lost my baby. I was supposed to go to present in Italy the next day. My hubby made a call to my boss who sent me a message saying\u00a0\u201cTell her not to take too long to get over it\u2026\u201d\u00a0<\/i>and\u00a0\u201cit happens all the time.\u201d\u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I was back to work 3 days later. I did not know that I was allowed to take some time off work and my boss didn\u2019t say anything to me. But after that, the bullying had started. Two weeks after my miscarriage, in a meeting my boss said,\u00a0\u201cSure they\u00a0<\/i>(my hubby and I)\u00a0have nothing else to occupy them in the evening so they can write the papers instead.\u201d\u00a0<\/i>Having just lost the baby two weeks prior, it brought me to tears to know that someone like him could be so insensitive.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

After that the world started being quite a gloomy place. After couple of months, however, we decided to try and have another baby. I got pregnant very fast with my rainbow baby Alexei. We waited until I was 4 months pregnant before telling anyone as we were afraid we would lose this baby as well. My boss upon finding out said only two words\u00a0\u201cSo soon?\u201d\u00a0<\/i>and also that he did not believe in congratulating anyone until the baby was actually born. After that my life in the workplace became hell. We were working 12-13 hour days, my boss started picking on everything we were doing. We were shouted at, berated, made to feel guilty for going to maternity appointments. This continued throughout my pregnancy and I could not wait to go to maternity.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Upon return from maternity the bullying continued. It got so bad that he made it obvious that he wanted me to quit voluntarily or take a part-time job. He also told me that I should ship my son to my in-laws to be raised by them and focus on being all the time at work. I did go to HR but was told that because my hubby still had a year to go in his PhD, I had better leave it alone or it would make matters worse for him.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I decided to let it go\u2026 and instead finished the project and spent\u00a02 months at home with my little rascal. After that I started another job, this time with a woman boss. I thought that may be as a woman she would be more understanding. Let\u2019s just say that it was the complete opposite. She was even worse than my first boss. At one point during my year there I got sick with scarlet fever (thank you Alexei for bringing it from creche), and I took 5 days off work. Well, when I came back I was told that they do not care how sick I am, I am supposed to be at the bench, working. The boss woman absolutely hated the fact that I had a child (she couldn\u2019t have kids herself).<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Towards the end of the year I was putting in 15-16 hour days, didn\u2019t see Alexei, and at one point understood that yet again I was being forced out. At that time we made a decision to take Alexei out of creche (to save money for that month) and my mother in law agreed to mind him. We found out that the creche was not feeding him and because of that he was too weak to fight chest infection and kept having a recurring infection every two weeks.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Worried about Alexei\u2019s health and after a particularly nasty meeting, I made the decision to quit. It was the best decision that I made. As I was already in talks with HR and they knew that my boss was in the wrong, I was given a month\u2019s payment in lieu and I left that day.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I spent 9 months after that at home, taking a career break as well as a mental break, enjoying seeing Alexei grow up healthy and happy and enjoying learning new things while studying in 2 colleges.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I got another job after that in academia and it is complete opposite. The boss woman is lovely and very approachable. My maternity was great; she was very supportive and made sure that I was paid for maternity\u2014but still sometimes old feelings come back. Whenever something happens like people around me being given more responsibility when I am not, self-doubts start arising along with thoughts such as \u201cam I good enough?\u201d or \u201cis my boss happy with me?\u201d<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I know now that I would never allow myself to be bullied again and feel strong and proud for quitting my job. However, the long-term effects are still there. The important thing is not to remain in a position like that and do what is best for you, not for anyone else.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It feels good, finally being able to speak up about it even if it is through this blog.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I hope you\u2019re all having a great day today.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

This story was published on January 31, 2018, on <\/i>Babybluerascals<\/i><\/a> (available <\/i>here<\/i><\/a>), and has been republished here with permission.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hi Friends, This is quite a hard blog to write\u2026 but I started this blog as a release for any emotions and to help others; and I am sure that I am not alone in what I am going through so here I go\u2026 The last couple of days have been especially trying for me\u2026 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":955,"featured_media":33313,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2414],"tags":[2454,2669],"new_categories":[],"new_tags":[],"series":[],"class_list":["post-2795","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiring-researcher-stories","tag-researcher-stories","tag-stories-of-struggle"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nThe long-term effects of bullying in the workplace<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"The last couple of days have been especially trying for me. 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