{"id":2823,"date":"2019-06-04T08:44:02","date_gmt":"2019-06-04T08:44:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/i-feel-i-should-be-angry-but-im-too-exhausted\/"},"modified":"2025-04-04T12:56:31","modified_gmt":"2025-04-04T12:56:31","slug":"i-feel-i-should-be-angry-but-im-too-exhausted","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/i-feel-i-should-be-angry-but-im-too-exhausted","title":{"rendered":"I feel I should be angry\u2026 but I’m too exhausted"},"content":{"rendered":"

This is for my friends, colleagues and students who are in \u2018a world of thesis pain;\u2019 as your supervisors, we do get it. It is especially for those who are\u00a0completing their PhD while working full-time in another role. Being a part-time PhD student \u2013 and balancing multiple other responsibilities (work, home, family, life etc.) \u2013 makes life really busy. Your PhD sometimes is the last thing in your to-do list. As your supervisors, we do get it (but we will also always push you to keep focussing on your PhD and the end goal \u2013 that\u2019s our job!).<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I hope this poem, written by Coralie McCormack* (as\u00a0part of her PhD in 2001; she was working as an academic while doing a PhD) might help our part-time PhD students\u00a0feel less alone\u2026. reading it, the sense of being busy and tired in an academic role really resonated with me.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\u2018I feel I should be angry\u2026 but I\u2019m too exhausted\u2019<\/i><\/b><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I feel I should be angry\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But I\u2019m too exhausted.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Haven\u2019t you finished your thesis yet?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I can\u2019t believe he<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

has asked me this question.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

what does he think<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I\u00a0have been doing for the last five years<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

NOTHING!<\/span><\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Full-time academic work<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Which means a ten hour day<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Six days a week<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

In not so busy times.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

And twelve hour days<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Seven days a week<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

In peak times<\/span><\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Facilitating, forming networks<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Counselling, co-ordinating<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Consulting, convening<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Supporting, sharing<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Encouraging, enhancing<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Empowering Others<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

All part of my academic day.<\/span><\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Then home to<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Partners, parenting<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Preparing food<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Eating food<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Cleaning up<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Cleaning down<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Washing-up<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Washing-down<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Physical exhaustion<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But mind whirring<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The hoped for restful night<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Slips quickly and effortlessly<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Out the window<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

To visit someone else.<\/span><\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

AND ON TOP OF THIS THE THESIS<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I feel I should be angry\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But I\u2019m too exhausted.<\/span><\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I put the phone down<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I can\u2019t believe he said that<\/span><\/span><\/span>
\n\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I feel I should be angry\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But I\u2019m too exhausted.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Roll on study leave<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The chance to work on my thesis full-time<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

What a luxury!<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Six months of leave<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Six months of writing<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Six months of leisure<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I feel I should be angry<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I have worked hard and long<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

To earn this six months<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I am entitled to it.\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I feel I should be angry<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I shouldn\u2019t be exhausted<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

But I am.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Coralie McCormack \u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\"Default<\/p>\n

Reference:\u00a0Coralie McCormack.\u00a02001. The times of our lives: Women, leisure and postgraduate research. Unpublished PhD Thesis,\u00a0University of Wollongong.\u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

*FYI, I recently stumbled across Coralie\u2019s\u00a0thesis and had to share her poem \u2013 it resonated with me, as\u00a0several\u00a0close\u00a0friends are\u00a0currently\u00a0in this exact situation. I\u00a0tried to reach out to Coralie\u00a0to let her know her 2001 PhD work is still wonderfully inspirational and relevant now \u2013 but have been unable to locate an active email\u00a0address. I\u00a0believe\u00a0she is\/was\u00a0Adjunct Associate Professor at the University of Canberra in education\/learning and teaching\u2026 if anyone knows her, please\u00a0forward her this post and ask her to contact me so I can personally praise her work. \u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

I hope to\u00a0share more of Coralie\u2019s inspirational poetic work again soon\u2026\u00a0Note, due to length, I have excluded a less relevant (for this topic) stanza of this poem.\u00a0<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Image is of water, storm clouds, mountains, and sky, taken by a talented friend and photographer, Neil Burton.\u00a0It is Bruny Island looking across to Cygnet \u2013 December 2016.<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Dr. Evonne Miller (<\/i>@evonnephd<\/i><\/a>) is an Associate Professor; and Director of Research Training, Creative Industries Faculty, Queensland University of Technology. This story was published on May 17, 2017, on the blog, <\/i>The Supervision Whisperers<\/i><\/a> (available <\/i>here<\/i><\/a>), and has been republished here with permission.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

This is for my friends, colleagues and students who are in \u2018a world of thesis pain;\u2019 as your supervisors, we do get it. It is especially for those who are\u00a0completing their PhD while working full-time in another role. Being a part-time PhD student \u2013 and balancing multiple other responsibilities (work, home, family, life etc.) \u2013 […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":955,"featured_media":33313,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2414],"tags":[2678,2454],"new_categories":[],"new_tags":[],"series":[],"class_list":["post-2823","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiring-researcher-stories","tag-mental-health-in-academia","tag-researcher-stories"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nI feel I should be angry\u2026 but I\u2019m too exhausted<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"This is for my friends, colleagues and students who are in \u2018a world of thesis pain.\u2019 As your supervisors, we do get it. 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