
{"id":2840,"date":"2019-06-05T12:15:41","date_gmt":"2019-06-05T12:15:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/what-if-my-thesis-is-not-the-most-awesome-thesis-ever-written\/"},"modified":"2025-01-15T06:33:11","modified_gmt":"2025-01-15T06:33:11","slug":"what-if-my-thesis-is-not-the-most-awesome-thesis-ever-written","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/what-if-my-thesis-is-not-the-most-awesome-thesis-ever-written","title":{"rendered":"What if my thesis is not the most awesome thesis ever written?"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">I\u2019m starting this post with a confession: <b>I didn\u2019t write the Most Awesome Thesis Ever Written, but I wanted to. <\/b>I got things wrong in my thesis, and I didn\u2019t really push myself as hard as I could have in the analysis of my data. While I am proud of what I achieved, and (mostly) believe the positive praise I received from my three expert examiners, I am mostly convinced that I took it a little too easy on myself and could have produced an even better piece of work had I taken more time, or read more, or written more drafts or tried harder.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">I didn\u2019t write the Most Awesome Thesis Ever. And I really wanted to. I wanted it to be the best thesis my examiners had ever read. I wanted them to tell me it should be a book, and that they had sent it to a colleague at Oxford University Press, who would be in touch to fall all over me with heaps of praise and a book contract. That didn\u2019t happen. What did happen, though, is I <a href=\"https:\/\/phdinahundredsteps.com\/2014\/04\/15\/phdgirl-goes-to-graduation\/\" style=\"color:blue; text-decoration:underline\">graduated<\/a>. On a sunny, happy day in April, with my mum, husband, kids and friends, watching me and cheering me on. I received well-deserved praise from my examiners, and I made my supervisor proud.\u00a0I earned a\u00a0title I finally feel comfortable with. I gained a great deal from the whole process. But I have no book contract, no \u2018this is the best thing I have ever read\u2019 comments, no awards and accolades.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">When I started out, I told everyone that I would be happy to get minor revisions and mostly complimentary comments, and that the aim was really to do the work, earn the degree, and progress in my academic career, rather than to write The Most Awesome Thesis Ever Written. It was kind of true. But what was also true, and something I kept to myself, was that I really did want to write the other thesis \u2013 the \u201cMost Awesome\u201d one. I really wanted to be the very best. I was a top student\u00a0at school, winning academic prizes and striving to get top marks. This drive was tempered in my undergraduate years and during my early postgraduate study, when I realised I was a much smaller fish in a much bigger pond. It was hard to be good but not the best, but I got used to it for the most part. Between my MA and PhD, I took a 5-year break; starting\u00a0my PhD in 2010, I felt a little older and wiser than I had been but, oddly, this must-be-top-in-class-or-nothing-counts-for-anything drive returned.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">This drive worked for and against me in certain ways. Doing a PhD part-time when you have a full-time life and job is really difficult, and most days reading, writing, and thinking about the doctorate just feels like a bridge too far when your kids have school stuff on, your partner wants time with you, and there are work deadlines looming. Having the \u2018I must be the best or I will be nothing\u2019 drive can push you on when you feel you just can\u2019t push yourself. That drive did keep me going when things got tough and I wanted to just stop and have a really long nap.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">But on the flipside, having the \u2018best or bust\u2019 mentality made it hard for me to celebrate positive feedback because I focused on all the negatives and things I had missed or gotten wrong. This mentality makes it hard for me to celebrate small successes and see these as big gains, because I want all my writing and work to be the Best Ever. I don\u2019t really want to just be okay, or even good. I want to be awesome, and I want other people to think I am too. So, I can get really bogged down in feeling like \u2018my work is crap, actually, and so why should I even bother because no one will even read this paper, much less cite it?\u2019<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">Is this silly? Perhaps. Am I alone here? Nope. I think anyone who has been really good at something in some part of their lives has come to like the recognition and validation that comes with being really good, or even the best. Not being really good or the best becomes harder to live with, because it means perhaps less recognition, less validation from those external people and sources. It means having to find more of that within yourself, and that <a href=\"https:\/\/phdinahundredsteps.com\/2014\/09\/30\/self-belief-essential-phd-armour\/\" style=\"color:blue; text-decoration:underline\">self-belief<\/a>\u00a0is not always easy to offer yourself on a sustained basis. It helps to have others telling you that you are actually awesome, and good, and more than okay, right? But it also helps if you know that they are speaking the truth (or some version of truth) and not just being nice to you. In order to take on the recognition and validation and use it to drive you forward, you need to believe that you are actually smart and capable, because then the praise makes sense. If you have people praising you but you really believe everything you write is crap, the praise falls on deaf ears.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">Underneath all the focus on the criticism instead of the praise, and the writing paralysis that I struggle against, I do really think my work is at the very least okay, and some of it is good. Some of it might even be better than that. My thesis is good. It\u2019s not The Most Awesome Thesis Ever Written, but the colleagues who have read it liked it, and found it helpful. That\u2019s pretty awesome. I have a PhD, achieved through my own hard work. That\u2019s also pretty cool. I am writing papers, and when they have been revised and polished, they will be published. Again, a win.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">Being the best ever, I have realised, is a) not possible, and b) not actually a very good thing, because it\u2019s too much pressure in the end. I\u2019d rather work my way, paper by paper, towards better writing and more refined thinking, rather than start out with the best thing ever and then decline from there while killing myself to maintain that unrealistic standard. This is how I look at it anyway.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<p style=\"margin:0cm 0cm 10pt\"><span style=\"font-size:11pt\"><span style=\"line-height:115%\"><span style=\"font-family:Calibri,sans-serif\">The PhD is a part of the foundation on which you build your scholarly career; it\u2019s not the career in a nutshell. If you try to turn it into everything about you as a scholar that is good and worthy of validation, you may never actually be able to write it. You\u2019ll paralyze yourself with the fear that it won\u2019t be The Most Awesome Thesis Ever Written. But chances are it\u2019ll be a good thesis.\u00a0I think the thing is to really try to realise and remember that \u2018good\u2019 in the world of doctoral study is actually enough, and that the goal is to lay a strong\u00a0foundation for further work, rather than to encapsulate your whole academic self and career in one PhD thesis.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n<hr \/>\n<p><i>Dr. Sherran Clarence (<a href=\"https:\/\/twitter.com\/PhDgirlSA\" style=\"color:blue; text-decoration:underline\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\">@PhDgirlSA<\/a>) is an Honorary Research Associate at\u00a0Rhodes University; and\u00a0Managing Editor of\u00a0Critical Studies in Teaching and Learning, and Theoria: A Journal of Social and Political Theory. This story was published on August 28, 2015,\u00a0on Dr. Clarence&#8217;s blog, &#8216;<\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/phdinahundredsteps.com\/\" style=\"color:blue; text-decoration:underline\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"noopener\"><i>How to write a PhD in a hundred steps (or more)<\/i><\/a><i>&#8216; (available\u00a0<\/i><a href=\"https:\/\/phdinahundredsteps.com\/2015\/08\/28\/what-if-my-thesis-is-not-the-most-awesome-thesis-ever-written\/\" style=\"color:blue; text-decoration:underline\"><i>here<\/i><\/a><i>), and has been republished here with her permission.<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I\u2019m starting this post with a confession: I didn\u2019t write the Most Awesome Thesis Ever Written, but I wanted to. I got things wrong in my thesis, and I didn\u2019t really push myself as hard as I could have in the analysis of my data. While I am proud of what I achieved, and (mostly) [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":299,"featured_media":33313,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2414],"tags":[2666,2454],"new_categories":[],"new_tags":[],"series":[],"class_list":["post-2840","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiring-researcher-stories","tag-phd-life","tag-researcher-stories"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.0 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>What if my thesis is not the most awesome thesis ever written?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Dr. Sherran Clarence is an Honorary Research Associate at\u00a0Rhodes University; and\u00a0Managing Editor of\u00a0Critical Studies in Teaching and Learning, and Theoria: A Journal of Social and Political Theory. 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