{"id":3500,"date":"2020-05-29T08:24:25","date_gmt":"2020-05-29T08:24:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/covid-19-time-is-so-arbitrary\/"},"modified":"2025-01-15T06:30:08","modified_gmt":"2025-01-15T06:30:08","slug":"covid-19-time-is-so-arbitrary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.editage.com\/insights\/covid-19-time-is-so-arbitrary","title":{"rendered":"COVID-19: Time is so arbitrary"},"content":{"rendered":"

Editor’s note: This article was originally published on the blog\u00a0Shruti’s PhD<\/a>\u00a0and has been republished here with\u00a0permission. The author, Shruti Turner<\/a>,\u00a0is a<\/em>\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/span>PhD student with the Royal British Legion Centre for Blast Injury Studies at Imperial College London.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

Gosh, I didn\u2019t realise that it had been around a month since I last wrote. Here in London, we\u2019re still in lockdown and working from home. Whilst in some ways I feel I have adjusted a little too well to lockdown life, other aspects are very difficult to get used to. For instance\u2026the passage of time. Some days feel like they\u2019re dragging over an age\u2026others feel like they\u2019re gone in a flash. I\u2019m a little shocked that we\u2019re in week 5 of this routine.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s not to say nothing has happened in my socially-distance, working from home bubble. The past few weeks have been a rollercoaster for me, some ways I think were predictable but others were not so expected.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

The first couple of weeks of this I was super productive, I drafted up 5 sections of my thesis, I felt like I was on a roll. My thesis would be down in 2 months. EASY. 2 weeks in, however, my motivation for writing had dried up. I don\u2019t know what it\u2019s like for others, but I just feel like I\u2019m making no progress when I write up things that I\u2019ve already done. It doesn\u2019t feel like I\u2019m doing anything new, I\u2019m not moving forward. Obviously, I realise that making steps writing my thesis is super important if I want to get to the end of my PhD but mentally I can\u2019t change how it feels when I\u2019m in that slump. The best thing to do, I find, is change it up a bit: do something different.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

This, however, let to the feeling of free fall\u2026not the good kind where you feel like you\u2019re flying\u2026the kind where your stomach is left behind and you feel somewhat queasy. What on earth was I going to fill my time with now? I was meant to be testing, which obviously I\u2019m not now. Who know if\/when I will be able to? I was meant to be working with surgeons for some qualitative research, again, that is not something I\u2019m pursuing anymore. So\u2026..now what? What can I fill up my thesis with that is still going to have a benefit?<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Through ups and downs, the process of denial, guilt, anger, tears, acceptance was true for me. At first I was like\u2026yeah, I\u2019ll be back in the office in a couple of months maximum. I\u2019ll jump right into testing and be feeling smug because a chunk of my thesis would be written. Happy days. Even though rationally, out of the PhD context I knew that wasn\u2019t going to be the case, it\u2019s the mentality I had when tackling my PhD worries. It really hit me that I had to adapt. It felt like an adapt of die moment, but I feel that might be a bit dramatic\u2026<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

In recent days I have been feeling more grounded \u2013 I have a plan for my thesis, how I\u2019m going to make more of some plans and substitute others to be possible in the current climate. Every so often though, something triggers a worry or difficulty and it pours out of me. We had a virtual team meeting, and one of the other PhD students in the lab presented their work. They had collected all their data before lockdown and has been spending the past couple of months processing and analysing etc. All the stuff I wanted from my PhD, the data you can get your teeth into. As an outsider looking in, it was everything I wanted from my PhD (it doesn\u2019t help we work in related fields with amputees). Though I had my plan, and it was achievable, watching the presentation was a slap in the face reminder of what might have been in my PhD and it hurt.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

Rationally I know that I can\u2019t change it. I can\u2019t dwell on what could have been because that\u2019s not going to help me deal with what it. We just have to pick ourselves up and keep on going. Also, it\u2019s important to remember the good things \u2013 which I am notoriously bad at doing\u2026so here\u2019s my list:<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

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  1. I am learning a lot about myself and my resilience adapting and moving forward<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  2. I can still get a PhD, it just doesn\u2019t look like how I imagined it but that\u2019s not to say it\u2019s worse<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  3. I am still being funded so I don\u2019t have to worry about living<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  4. I have a super amazing and supportive supervisor<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n
  5. Good things are still happening: my paper *finally* got accepted a couple of weeks ago!<\/b> <<<\u2014 really this is a big deal. It\u2019s my first paper from my PhD and I sort of just skimmed past it. The relief and the meh, still in lockdown. My husband made sure I did something special for it and we had a celebratory dinner and some wine.<\/i><\/span><\/span><\/span><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    I\u2019m finding it difficult to measure time and finding it difficult not to hold myself to the standards I set for myself in more \u201cnormal\u201d times. Got to keep things in perspective here\u2026it\u2019s not just a change of scenery, but a way of life and the impact that there is a global pandemic happening \u201cout there\u201d. I didn\u2019t think that part would affect me, sometimes I\u2019m not sure it has\/should, but it\u2019s always there. It\u2019s everywhere. I have friends and family who are key workers, I\u2019m worried about my grandparents and in the end we are part of a society\/population and it sucks that there are so many out there suffering and I can\u2019t do anything to help them.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

    A long one here today\u2026it has been a while and apparently I had a lot to say. This lockdown is an interesting one for sure, bringing out the best and worst in us. We\u2019ve just got to keep going through this, there will be an end and we will be stronger for it in many ways.<\/span><\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

    \u00a0<\/p>\n

    Do you often feel stressed? Wouldn’t it be nice to share your highs and lows with a group of researchers who understand you? Join\u00a0Researcher Voice, a\u00a0support group for researchers<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0on Facebook that focuses on their physical, mental, and emotional wellness.\u00a0Click here to join<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0read this article<\/strong><\/a>\u00a0to take a sneak peak into what’s going on in the\u00a0group.<\/i><\/p>\n

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