An obstacle I didn't think I'd need to worry about

I am a part of one of the few graduate programs that has cohorts. And all I ever hear from people who have been through the program before me is how great the whole cohort experience is. 

But as week two comes to a close (and may I say: holy sh*t!), I still am unsure of my place. The two people closest to my age already are friends; so, it’s difficult to try and join that pair (yes I’ve tried sitting next to them; they both use their bags to take up a lot of space) although they’re always kind and polite to me. There are also several women whom I’ve had good conversations with, but I struggle feeling like they are my peers due to the age gap (my own insecurities surrounding that are more-so the issue here). We do have a small group that meets for two of our classes, and I am really looking forward to making connections with those women, particularly, the alumni/professional mentor (who, I might add, I have a lot in common with). 

I guess what I’m trying to say is that my age insecurities and my natural shyness and tendency to use class time to its fullest, productivity-wise that is, has been working against me in terms of finding “my people.” I’m sure that I’ll find them eventually, but I must say it is hard feeling so out-of-place all the time. In a lot of ways, it feels like I am still in undergrad and have special permission to sit in on these classes. And let me be the first to say that I fully know that I deserve to be in the program; intellectually and maturity-wise I can handle it. But I’m still having difficulty letting go of the age thing. Either I embrace it and feel like a child sneaking into a PG 13 movie, or I avoid talking about it and feel like a pseudo-adult waiting for my age to come up in conversation and eventually having to admit the “truth.” 

I know it’s silly. I know I’m supposed to be in this program; I know God put me here. But the challenges that are being presented are appearing to be ones more of identity than intellectual or capability challenges. 

So, to all of my fellow students out there worried about being “too young” (or even “too old” for that matter!) for the education you’re receiving, and who are having difficulty with that, I feel you and I’m with you in this process. I hope that this verse brings you some encouragement (it’s one of my favorites; 1 and 2 Timothy are awesome books): 

Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity… Do not neglect your gift, which was given to you through prophecy when the body of elders laid their hands on you. -1 Timothy 4:12 & 4:13 (NIV)

Elizabeth Mulherron (@gradu8student) is a second year doctoral student pursing her Psy.D. in Clinical Psychology. This story was published on September 16, 2016, on Elizabeth’s blog, The Young Grad Student (available here) and has been republished here with her permission.