Musings of a MEd student: Am I an impostor?

I am a first year student on the MEd Counselling course.

My first day at Homerton College brought back memories of my first day at secondary school. Although there were familiar faces (I am not entirely new to the Faculty of Education), embarking on the MEd course is a huge milestone in my journey.

All the students gathered in the auditorium for a welcome speech and an introduction to Homerton College (my home for the next three years). Although full of excitement, I also felt nervous.

Homerton’s motto is “Respice Finem.”

Look to the end.

Make your life count.

Do whatever you do cautiously.

Consider the consequences of your actions.

Well, safe to say, in coming to Cambridge University I had to count the cost. Now that I am here, I must look ahead, cautiously consider my actions, and make the next few years count.

One of our induction talks was to assure us all. We are not impostors but rather individuals who have earned their place. As I sat listening, I smiled (she read my mind). Although I knew fully well that I had earned my place, I felt like an impostor. I looked around the room and noticed there were only 4 other black students. This led to writing the poem below:

An Impostor?

 Am I an impostor?

No, I am not an impostor but an observer. Looking, making mental notes, and trying to keep steady.
I pinch myself and ask is this real?
I know it’s been a journey and a half; however, there is excitement all around me.
I am caught up in the mighty flow of energy, euphoria, and expectation.

Am I an impostor?
No, I am not, and yet I have been caught up and swept into the river of hope.
I look around, there is some diversity. Curious learners ready to make a start.
Overwhelmed by a sea of people keen to leave their mark.

Am I an impostor?

No, I am not an impostor. I am simply carrying the flag of hope. The flag of privilege and feeling totally blessed. “l belong here,” I say to myself.
No doubt about it, I have earned my place here.
I take in a deep breath. 

An impostor?

No, I belong here with my shiny, mahogany, sun-kissed skin. Feeling elated and proud.
I have taken my position on this stage.
A journey into the unknown with my fellow travellers side by side.
Accepted, respected, and valued.

 An impostor?

No! With both hands I receive my destiny.
An opportunity to stand still for a moment, take stock, and fly.
An opportunity to sow a seed and grow in this fertile soil.
An opportunity to embrace all that comes.
An opportunity to be who I want to be.
An opportunity to make my life count.
An opportunity to shine.
No impostors here.

At the time of the original publication, Gazey Umweni was a first year student on the MEd Counselling course, Faculty of Education, University of Cambridge. This story was first published on December 10, 2018, on the FERSA Blog run by graduate students at the Faculty of Education in Cambridge (available here) and has been republished here with permission.