Valentine's ode to my (Mr.) PhD

As of today, Mr. PhD and I have been in a relationship for a long time! An incredible 3.5 years! But in the last year, we hit rock bottom. The honeymoon phase was long over, and hard work for building a lasting and rewarding relationship settled in. And since we are stubborn and strong personalities, endless fights and power struggles ensued. My poor friends have heard every dirty detail and endless complaints.

Yet, we persisted, and slowly and carefully pushed forward. The hidden romantic in me wants to show off our achievement on this special day, and instead of all the “wrongs,” take a moment to appreciate all the “rights”— the side I might have neglected a bit in the reconciliation processes of last year. So here it is – a Valentine’s ode to my Mr. PhD – the things in my PhD life that make my heart beat and feel butterflies in my stomach.

1. Endless Learning – Every now and then, I hear myself explaining to someone a complex theory that I have learned from Mr. PhD. In that second, I pause and appreciate just how much I have learned during those 3.5 years! In those moments, I feel thankful and happy.
2. Sharing – Even better than learning and developing myself, is sharing the lessons from Mr. PhD with others. I love teaching – be it statistics, programming, public health, or just discussing life-lessons while grabbing a cup of coffee.
3. Planning and reaching a goal – One of my secret loves is scheduling (vacation) and planning projects. And it has been one of my favourite parts of my relationship with Mr. PhD. Decomposing an impossible whole into smaller components, figuring out how and when to complete them, and then getting it done (though I like planning and making pretty timeline graphs the best). It may sound odd, but making a good plan makes my heart skip a beat! And, especially when the achievement is my name printed and my ideas referred to and built upon.
4. Flexibility – As in every relationship, Mr. PhD and I have had to compromise a bit and respect certain constraints that our relationship results in. Yet, I am free to be who I am – a nerdy version of me. Sometimes, the very insecure and struggling one. The one who works from home in sweatpants or the one in fancy clothes and high heels getting high on presenting in front of a large audience. I get to be creative, draw mind maps (secret love affair!), and travel. But even with all that, I cannot wait for the commitment and the last positive that I decided to highlight:
5. The marriage – (aka the defense and my party!) I am really looking forward to becoming Dr. instead of Miss and inviting all my friends to dance and celebrate this relationship and making it a permanent achievement.

There are of course other aspects of the relationship that I appreciate, but the list would be too long. If you want to share what your own Odes to your Mr. PhD are, I would be more than happy to hear from you!

Nika Seblova (@NikaSeblova) is a PhD student at Karolinska Institutet. This story was published on February 14, 2018, on Karolinska Institutet Career Blog (available here), and has been republished here with permission.